A slow withdrawal from an unrequited love.

The first two days of re-entering the application process were glazed with the lingering self-doubt and disappointment of my December 15th verdict. Anything I wrote was contrived, unoriginal, and ... bleh. It was frustrating.

I finished my Stanford application at 1 AM yesterday and watched Pan's Labyrinth until 4 AM. I woke up and decided to make a few loaves of challah.

I made lazanki for lunch as the loaves rose, did some therapeutic dough-braiding, and did a little more research on how to paint with oils and acrylics. I read 66 pages of Brave New World and sketched the lamp next to me with charcoal and pastels.

I downloaded Man on Wire. Before I went to bed, I wrote an opening to an essay.

Yesterday was brilliant. The one paragraph I wrote has inspired a complete rewrite of my Stanford essays, which I never would have forgiven myself for submitting. I think I'll revamp my main Common app essay. I also made some more challah today. I feel both sorry and happy for my future roommate. I don't know how baking and cooking are so linked with a certain level of happiness for me. I'm thinking about bagels or baguettes next.

I'm letting myself fall in love with my second choice schools. I want to experience that relief and excitement of getting into college. But there's no rush. All the things in the world are nice.