whoa.

I'm always shocked to realize how long it's been since I've updated a blog. This one is no different. Four months? Really?

In that time, I got my college decisions, decided on where to go, graduated from high school, and have been enjoying a very fruitfully carefree summer.

I applied to seven schools:

Yale - rejected.

I think this may have been the most devastating, and devastating is probably used a little dramatically. There is no doubt that I would have gone if I had been accepted, but I also acknowledge that my application did not exude the brand of a "typical Yale student," and I have no doubt that other applicants surpassed me in accomplishment and demonstrated ability. I would have loved to have been in the room when they were discussing my application, though.

Brown - rejected.

It's interesting to think how much I loved this school when I first discovered it three years ago. The growth I experienced from that time to now is evident, as I'm more comfortable enough with myself to know that Brown is not the best fit for me. Apparently the admissions officers could tell as well, haha.

Stanford - rejected.

This is the only school in which I would have studied engineering. I would have really enjoyed going here, but the suburban quality of the surroundings and the constant weather would have bored me to death. I wasn't expecting to get in, of course. Although we share the some of the same philosophies, the school was far too tech-based for me.

Washington University in STL - waitlisted.

I don't know enough about this school to rationalize how I didn't get in. That's probably why. :)

Univerisity of Illinois-Urbana - accepted.

My "worst case scenario." I don't like big schools or staying in Illinois, but I would have gotten half-tuition and probably the flexibility to triple-major. I can't tell you how much I imagined myself going here because I was so convinced I'd be rejected everywhere, hahah. It would have been a triple major in Economics, History, and Religious Studies, and I would have had enough friends on campus to get by, but not enough to see them constantly. Oh, and I've met the heads for a small proportion of the international departments, and they're all really nice people.

University of Chicago - accepted.

My first really wonderful acceptance! Ever since the first mailing from this school, I was enraptured. It was the first school I visited and the first school I felt a real connection with. One of my good friends goes here as well, and it'd be nice to see him more than twice a year. Getting accepted was probably one of the best moments of my life. The only downside? It's in Chicago, which is not bad in itself--just the five hour weekend drive my parents could make every weekend. The major would've been a double in economics and something else.

Columbia University in the City of New York - accepted/attending.

On March 31, I tried to check this first but the server was lagging so badly I moved on to Brown and Yale. After getting rejected from both, I had little hope for Columbia. When I finally did log in, I was directed straight to the letter and assumed it was a rejection or a waitlist until I read the first word. Wow. I can't describe the scream I let out, nor may I repeat the expletives I shouted while running around my house trying to find my phone to call everyone I knew on the planet. Everyone being my violin teacher, my best friends, and my family, hehehe. I think it's a funny coincidence that the video didn't load for me as it did other people. It certainly would have made my acceptance a little more expected.

The decision between Columbia and Chicago was probably the hardest part, but I miss New York and like the extra six hundred miles between me and my parents. In the end, I didn't like the overintellectualism at Chicago, which I felt was present at more normal levels at Columbia.

That, and financial aid was better with Columbia, which is always a factor.

I'm not going to lie. The last semester of high school was a complete waste of my time. Half the teachers stopped teaching because they knew no one was motivated. Senioritis hit me harder than the beats to this Matt & Kim album, which is ROCKING. I've had "Good Ol' Nightmare" for a while now, but the rest of these songs are just as good! What a surprise!

Erm, tangent. In short, I did all my final projects, graduated from high school, and have promptly began the process of forgetting all my association with the school.

I got my first job in May and have been working as a busser in a sushi restaurant. It's not bad at all, and the people there are very entertaining to be around. I'm going to be a little sad when I leave at the end of August. Awgosh. :(

I bought a guitar, but I don't have anyone to teach me and it'll be hard for me to take it to NYC since my father is coming along and he already doesn't like how I play instruments. I may have to resell it, which I really don't want to do (it's a fairly decent Fender acoustic). I wonder how you ship guitars without a hard case (I have a soft).

I had to pay for the hiking preorientation program Columbia offered. It basically Yale's FOOT. I'm not sure which one is the original, but it doesn't really matter. It's something I definitely wanted to do if I'd gotten into Yale, and finding out that Columbia had a similar program was AWESOME. However, my parents were not happy that I blew a few hundred dollars on something they observed to be unnecessary. The only explanation I can give is that I want to do this, like when I bought the guitar. I've wanted to play guitar since gawdknowswhen. I remember telling my mother that I wanted to play guitar instead of violin over a decade ago. No go. So yes, I will use my own money to do the things I've always wanted to do, even though bussing is not the most glamourous/lucrative profession.

Writing music with a guitar or piano is so different than just vocals. It's wonderful.

I've been playing a lot of tennis, and I use the term "playing" very lightly because that implies that I am anywhere near good.

Lots of friend communication and books and films and last times this summer. It's going well so far.

Dear High School,
Please end.
Sincerely,
Me

:)

I just got a notification that I'm a Point scholarship semifinalist, and last night my Chicago interviewer emailed me with follow-up for our interview and a comment that I did a splendid job. The probability of me getting a job this summer is also looking good.

I'm worried about some things, but for the most part things are going well.

A series of fortunate events

Quick, quick updates dans ma vie.

I had my University of Chicago interview two weeks ago. . My interviewer (who graduated just last year) also looked like my friend Andrew (SERIOUSLY), who is a first year there right now. I had moments when it felt like I was talking to him. Of course, they are completely different people, but the conversation was still two and a half hours of amusing, thoughtful, and worthwhile conversation (while raving about Chicago).

Model UN conference (hosted by UChicago!) last weekend. We got there on Wednesday. I was in the Social, Humanitarian, and Cultural Committee with the topics of women in conflict areas and migrant workers. We got on the former topic and debated on it through the last day. I'll be concise and say I dominated. I did so much research in that topic because I enjoy being enveloped by human rights as it is. Our school usually doesn't go to awards because we never get them, but apparently this year we did in my committee! I don't know what we got, but it's either Outstanding or Best Delegation (though I'm not sure the latter exists...). They have to mail the award. :D

I'm not going to lie, this week since getting back from the conference has been stressful. I had two math tests back to back yesterday and today, and there has been much getting up at 4:30 to do homework. I had my first Cool Cities meeting last night, though, and I'm feeling really optimistic for these next few months and lowering the city's carbon footprint. It's a lot of planning at the moment, and there is some uncertainty with how quickly the committee is going to be appointed because of a mayoral election soon, but that does not deter my outlook.

I just (as in an hour ago) had my Brown interview. It was the shortest one by far, but my interviewer was extremely friendly and insightful with my interests and thoughts. I really enjoyed the conversation! Unfortunately, we were on a time limit because she had another interviewee waiting after me (one of my classmates, ahaha), but we did clear up a number of my concerns with Brown. Interviews do a good job of selling schools to me.

A few scholarships down, many more to go. Oh! I'm a National Merit Finalist, which is nice. Anyway, I have a wonderful to-do list for this weekend on my dry-erase board right now, and I think I'm going to finally upload my Chicago pictures onto Facebook (see, I do have a life :P).

Snow days

I wouldn't mind having these until the end of the year.
I am getting so much of my to-do list done. It's insane. And blissful.
My freshly written resume is quite spiffy.
Apologies for the succinctness. I have work to do tonight.

the going-ons

I had a dream last night.
Wildly appropriate for today.
Thank you, Dr. King.


I working on scholarships.

It feels like there are so many things I have to to do, yet when I write everything down, there are at most ten key things.

My brain feels foggy.
I really enjoy exercising, though. Even if I did bang up my leg a bit in a walking-while-reading incident.

I am going to do something I would normally be too afraid to do this year.

"A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle." - Kahlil Gibran

With a few amendments, that quotes aptly sums up my annoyance with some people.

a return to reality

This week has been the longest week of the school year thus far.
I don't drink tea/coffee in the mornings. I don't fancy the thought of becoming dependent on caffeine, but I'm constantly tired now. I've been spoiled by the whole 8 hours a night for two weeks that was winter break and its lovely snow days.

My violin teacher called me "fickle" this week. I'm starting to see it more in what I do, though it's not terribly evident.

There have been some things that make me want to leave even more this week. A few words of ignorance from the family. Relationships. Friendships. The news.

Coincidentally, I had scheduled a debate in Model UN to cover the entire Arab/Israeli conflict this week, but it got canceled due to the ice day. I still did all the research, though, which makes it that much harder to read the news every morning and hear about everything getting worse.

I know it's not as easy as this, but I wish people could trust each other more.
My disappointment comes in the radical individuals who take away the right of peace and security from the majority, and it is almost always the majority who pays.

I started AP Art this semester. It's nice. Our first critique is not for two weeks, but I haven't started on anything yet. I need a theme for my concentration. I was thinking "ordinary," but I have a slight feeling that that's been done before.

I had a dream the other day that my admissions officer from the First Choice was telling me why I was deferred. She called me a narcissist because I sent in photography.

My dreams have been very vivid lately. I wish I was better at lucid dreaming. I've only managed to do it once, but it's really very fun--I went from a Roman bathhouse to a medieval cobblestone street in no time at all. I'm quite grateful to my memory and imagination. It's supposed to be exhausting after a while, though, and I think I rather like the unpredictability of regular dreams.

I love crepes, but I think I want to try my hand at another type of foreign breakfast food tomorrow morning. Suggestions?

After breakfast will be violin. I'm a little certain I'll be holing myself up in the library in the afternoon, attempting to understand how to calculate volumes with integrals.

AP English is required to do a poetry recitation on the 20th. I read a few poems out loud last night. It was nice.

DONE

DONE

DONE
DONE
DONE

Almost. I still have to send in my application fees.
But seriously, all those essays.

I am pumped. To be done. Even if it means I still have a paper and a lab to write. Even if it means I need three artworks by Tuesday.

WHOOOO.

I can finally start talking about the application process in the past tense. Things I'll need to include in reflections: finding colleges that match, standardized tests (& the student search service), writing essays, formatting, the common application, the waiting period (including how to destress and such), recommendations, supplements ... that's all I can think of for now.

I think I will celebrate by watching a movie and reentering my life. And being productive and actually starting my painting.

Oh, yes. It's New Year's Eve! A momentary reflection of the past year--passable, even pleasant. Memorable incidents:
Chicago
US History
Testing testing testing
Italy!
New York!
Anytown!
52 people at the first Environmental Club meeting of the year
40 people at the first Spectrum meeting
Homecoming Queen!
Relations with other people (a mixed bit of nice and confusing)

Things I look forward to doing in 2009:
Caring for my health! (exercising and bothering to pack healthy lunches)
SEEING AMMI AHHHHHHH
Doing the things I regretted not doing this year
Getting into college, gahgahgalg;lagjald
Graduation
Summer! Summer! Summer! Job!
Goodbyes
COLLEEEGGGGGEEEEE


I apologize for all the caps. They are kind of unexcusable in normal circumstances, but I am feeling like the vanilla ice cream on a root beer float.

a morning winter walk and a finished art supplement(!).

At least I think I'm finished. I may do a painting or two in the next few days, and if I like one of them enough I'll add it to my collection.

Since I'm no award-winning artist or anything, my artistic endeavors are more a haphazard collection of photography, traditional art, and the designs I've done for my extracurriculars. My art supplies consist of a cheap point-and-shoot camera, lots of acrylics and colored pencils, and sharpies.

That is, my CD portfolio will be divided in those categories.
I haven't posted any art yet, so here's a selection of each of them:

Photography:

<----The background image, and these:





Traditional art:







Designs:






____________________________

I took a rather soothing walk today. I nearly froze off my face taking pictures and listening to the new albums I acquired over the weekend.

I think I will take a walk without my portable audio player sometime soon. I spent half a summer without one and found myself noticing the subtle nuances of my neighborhood much more. Something in the air was crisper. The sky was bluer. It's strange how much one discovers by simply paying attention.










______________________

Andrew and I got into a debate (as always) over the usefulness of the religious studies major (which I am considering). My main motive for possibly pursuing the major is this: to gain a deeper understanding of different peoples through the societal regulators of religion, economic conditions, and historical norms, each of which are not necessarily independent from the others.

Religion, although declining in its influence in certain circles, remains a chief aspect of many cultures. Through analyzing them, I would realize a perspective of their respective cultures unattainable through sociology or psychology.

Although some parts of old religious texts may seem dogmatic, I find the ideas that they present utterly fascinating, especially in their explanations on how the universe was created (a personal question of mine that will never be answered but always pursued). I believe it is possible to find some commonality in all religions and perhaps use this knowledge to unite diverse peoples.

Furthermore, it is possible that I will pursue religious studies in an interdisciplinary major more suitable to my goals, such as a History/Economics/Religious Studies fusion of awesomeness.




Hm. The one thing I dislike about being awake after 10:30 is my constant late-night hunger I refuse to nourish.

A slow withdrawal from an unrequited love.

The first two days of re-entering the application process were glazed with the lingering self-doubt and disappointment of my December 15th verdict. Anything I wrote was contrived, unoriginal, and ... bleh. It was frustrating.

I finished my Stanford application at 1 AM yesterday and watched Pan's Labyrinth until 4 AM. I woke up and decided to make a few loaves of challah.

I made lazanki for lunch as the loaves rose, did some therapeutic dough-braiding, and did a little more research on how to paint with oils and acrylics. I read 66 pages of Brave New World and sketched the lamp next to me with charcoal and pastels.

I downloaded Man on Wire. Before I went to bed, I wrote an opening to an essay.

Yesterday was brilliant. The one paragraph I wrote has inspired a complete rewrite of my Stanford essays, which I never would have forgiven myself for submitting. I think I'll revamp my main Common app essay. I also made some more challah today. I feel both sorry and happy for my future roommate. I don't know how baking and cooking are so linked with a certain level of happiness for me. I'm thinking about bagels or baguettes next.

I'm letting myself fall in love with my second choice schools. I want to experience that relief and excitement of getting into college. But there's no rush. All the things in the world are nice.

a fantastic day and some thoughts on physics

I find it highly amusing that my first attempt at music composition sounds like a cross between Explosions in the Sky and Stars. I really like it, though. I have the intro and the beginning of a verse done thus far. We'll see how it turns out.

After having studied for a day and a half, I went into my calculus final this morning and there is a chance that I may have gotten an A on it. Which means I have scraped through the first semester of Calculus BC, my first semester with any AP classes ever, with an A.

UMYESYOUHEARDCORRECTLY.

If only I could say the same for Physics. The grading in that class is pretty shot. Half of our class is struggling and the other half is excelling, and it's supposed to be graded on a curve. I'm actually in the middle, which means my grade is in the most jeopardy (oh gosh, this is starting to sound like the effects of recession on socioeconomic class).

The class curriculum is fairly disorganized. At the beginning of the year, he gave us a syllabus with a list of the labs we were going to do, and so far we've been jumping around from one to the other in no particular order. Our weekly web assignments come from the textbook, we practice on questions he's saved on his computer, and we are mostly graded on pop AP question quizzes.

My hypothesis was that I was simply unable to adapt to the purposeful unpredictability of the class, but it seems as though there is no clear purpose behind that at all.

At the start of the semester, he admitted that it was more up to us to study the material. However, since we students are doing more or less independent study, we have no way to assess if our understanding of the material is adequate until we are tested.

I took the initiative to buy a Barron's AP Physics C guide over the summer, but I still feel as though this testing practice disadvantages my other peers who may not know to or are not able to afford twenty dollar testing monstrosities.

Perhaps I will try and address the issue with my teacher soon.

One part inspirational speech and one part music video. The second video blog I made for friends (and me) stressing over college admissions. Surprisingly took me less than two hours to shoot the video and edit the audio and clips. Playing the lovely song "El Reloj" by Jóvenes y Sexys during the first part.

But seriously, to all of you who aren't feeling the love from your first choice or any other college, don't doubt yourself too quickly. You'll end up happy no matter what.

today is the day,

And I have no school.
What a wonderful time for cold weather to set in.

My plans include baking bread. It relieves much tension.
An update will probably come later.

Whatever happens, happens. I stopped being in control on November 1.

//update
Deferred. One in every two people was deferred.

Ahwell. Onto other apps, and I think I'll send in some artwork after all.

Fridays

I am excessively thankful for Fridays. So much that sometimes my thankfulness for Friday spills over into Saturday, and overflows my thankfulness for Saturday, which somewhat lessens the harshness of my Sundays.

The weekend is a wonderful time.

These past two weeks have been somewhat stressful, albeit manageable. Papers and projects--two magic words that share a first letter with "pain." Last weekend was a whirlwind of violin followed immediately by a test-filled week.

And now, my life is almost silent.

I am having a great time with this arrangement. It's like a painting with pitches and beats for brushes and colors.

We're anticipating an ice storm for next week, which is finals. I don't have to attend most of them, but I might take Calculus and Physics and the other two from which I'm not exempt.

I have a list of thoughts to put into writing soon. Not college essays, for once! Just things I'd like to discuss.

Monday evening is when I find out.
I'm not really thinking about it now.

Perhaps the nervousness comes five minutes before?
Right now it doesn't seem to matter that much.

In the face of a silent weekend, what else could I want?

I am poetic

I feel everything.
But it's not supposed to be everything all at once.

Even writing does not help.


I am taking another SAT Physics Subject test tomorrow.
I am practicing for a concert, playing a fundraising concert.
I'm ready.

The weekend will be over.
I will have other things to think about.

I haven't exactly thought about myself.
I didn't realize how sad I was until today.
It's okay to be sad. It seems to go this way for everyone.

Is it really December?
What did I do in 2008?

A lot of things that matter.
But not the one that matters most.

I'm going to write a message.
I'm going to write a song.
Not at the same time.

I'm going to go to college.
I'm going to draw myself in the big picture.

pre-admissions decision get-together support group thingy.

I am excited for December 15. Why? Because I am going to have an amazing time with my friends in the hours from 2-4PM central time.

The plan?
We are writing rejection letters to each other. Everyone will get a piece of paper to put their name on, and everyone else will write notes to them saying what they would say if they were there when the person gets the admissions decision.

The letters are then sealed, labeled, and ready for the day. Oh gosh.

Maybe we'll do it before December 15, because decisions apparently mail before then.

I thought of this because it was too necessary. I don't have a dog. I don't have parents who will be home. I have siblings, but they don't get it.

And then I thought of other people who would be the same boat. And shit. It's a life-changing decision, no matter how thin you slice it (I usually think of the slice as Swiss cheese, actually).

I began my UChicago essays last night. I have half of one written and another one brainstormed out. They're fun, but it's not the same type of passion I had for my First Choice essays. Ahwell.

I dislike complaining, but I'm doing an awful lot of it since I've gotten back from break. I wish I had better things to say. I wish I had better things to think.

I am going to ban "no time" from my phrasebook of life.

I am going to work out between study sessions of homework.
I am going to write in my blog, write poetry, write words without feeling guilty.
I am going to get six fucking hours of sleep no matter how the cookie crumbles,
no matter where the cookie crumbles.
I am going to watch the intriguing Italian film I am 90% on the way of acquiring.
I am going to read the news, damn it.
I am going to get my fucking driving license!

why

I just wrote one of the most sincere letters of my life. It was superficially a why letter, a little bit of a lust letter, but mostly a love letter.

I am starting to ask my teachers for recommendations again. I started compiling an email for them and ended up spending half an hour learning about the University of Chicago. It's a great school. It has most of what I'm looking for. It's missing some things that I could remedy. I can see myself there, at least content, probably happy.

And so in the midst of that delight I wondered, "Would I choose this over the First Choice?"
My best friend would be less than an hour away from me, finally. I already have good friends at the school, and I would be near people who I've made close connections with in these past few years. It has the Core. It has majors like "Big Problems" and "Human Rights." And to be disillusioning, the First Choice has its own share of real issues.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I thought, "No."

There is something about the people at the First Choice that is different, refreshing, and nonnegotiable. I want sketchy. I want things that are not a-okay all the time. Because I want to know the world, and the First Choice is the only place I can see myself knowing it fully.

The regrets I have would be minimal.

In other news, I have to start my Calculus homework.

things to let go, things to now know

I crossed three colleges off my to-apply list just now.

I almost feel like someone going through a midlife crisis. I've had this years for ages now, so what prompted me to alter it now?

I've been really contemplating what schools are right for me, not my parents' egos or mine.
Even though it didn't feel like that at the time I put them down, I realize now that it was. Prestige.
I got infected, and I'm a little ashamed, but hey, at least now I can say I'm human.

Admittance and rejection. I am trying to imagine the latter more often, just to be mentally prepared (so if it's an admittance instead I will simply explode), but that doesn't stop the occasional admittance daydream to creep into my skull. Alas.

I had an argument with my mother last night. For the third time since I've asked her specifically not to, she told yet another person what my First Choice is.

And it's not the shame of rejection. It's because it's personal to me, and no one else's business, especially not something for the "Compare Our Children" game Asian parents play. I don't want something so important to be reduced to a name like that, and the fact that she couldn't respect my wishes on that count was kind of upsetting.

I cry over everything now. I'm pretty sure if I saw roadkill I would burst into tears like I used to in elementary school (and only the elementary school part is exaggerating). It's not as though I'm having a nervous breakdown or anything. In fact, I'm no longer self-conscious about it. For seniors, it seems to be as fashionable as bug-eyed glasses. And like bug-eyed glasses, I hope it becomes less common by the end of semester.

So, the bright side. I am rereading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, which I read more than a year ago before adding it to my favorite books list.

I don't like it as much, which is disappointing, but not the end of the world. Some of the lines still ring with me, but not the same novelty as before. I'm marking the best of them with a light blue Prismacolour pencil. When I get to it, I'll buy and reread Everything Is Illuminated as well. And all the other books on my favorites list.

It's getting easier to tell how much I've changed on an intellectual level in the past six months alone. I reread the Handmaid's Tale for AP English and had an entirely new perspective on it because of Anytown and learning more about sexism. The presidential election got me more into politics (though I'd hardly call myself a junkie). I read commentaries without being entirely persuaded and watch reports without entirely believing.

And the things that once held immense sentimental value to me are less so epic, so to speak, because I have experienced even more profound messages in the past few months.

If my viewpoints were marble, I'd be sculpting them.

twenty days.

So, I vowed never to talk about college admissions again on my poetry blog (unless it was rather significant), and thus the need had to met somehow.

I started a general college process blog with this same name a while ago, but I eventually forgot to update it and veered away from school topics.
________________

I had my interview on Sunday in an empty Starbucks. I thought I was going to be late, but thankfully everyone on the highway speeds relative to the suggested limit. Oh Mapquest. The delight in proving you wrong.

The interview itself? We neglected to buy drinks and I wasn't able to articulate myself as well as I'd have liked, mais c'est la vie. I enjoyed the entire ordeal, especially finally getting the release of talking about the First Choice openly. More enthusiastic than I've been in a while.

It was the usual questions, but we discussed a variety of things. He gave me more insight on the community there and his own experiences, and I got a majority of my questions answered. The minority that couldn't be answered including how the scene is today and "alllohhmyygosshwillIgetin!" He mentioned Kirkegaard, who is definitely on my philosophy to-read list. Unfortunately, The Community Manifesto and Nicomachean Ethics have been gathering dust since I've started school. I'll have to put the Bible in between the two to keep it in chronological order.

I think the only embarrassing moment was when I discovered I had forgotten the plot to Everything Is Illuminated. If I recall correctly, most of the novel deals with plot sandwiched between Foer's philosophy and humor. At least that's the only reason I truly loved the novel.

My interviewer seemed to be an overall nice, intelligent, and laid back. I kind of wish we had gotten drinks, though. The poor man had a cough.
_____________________

Anyway, I've been bracing myself for First Choice rejection. It's the only way I can stop thinking about the decision I will see in twenty days. What are my options if I don't get in? A lot. I will definitely apply to UChicago, UIUC, Columbia, and One That Must Not Be Named. Harvard is really at the bottom of the list and probably will be stricken. MIT is a possibility, but it's not a perfect fit for me and I know it.

Ahh, the First Choice fits. It just fits.
I wrote a rather lengthy blog post on why a while ago, so I won't repeat myself any more.
_____________________

It's almost Thanksgiving, and I'm particularly thankful with how unintrusive my parents have been in the past few months of my life. I don't think I would have been able to get anything done if they had transformed into the nagging, hyperinsecure perfectionist hawks that I know some parents become.

These next six days will be a major balancing act of work and play. My whiteboard is filled with things to do and my schedule is filled with people whom I adore. Excellent.

My French teacher mentioned that that state of your living space is a reflection of the state of your life. I think I read a similar article about that sometime in the past, right before I read a piece on why disorganization encourages higher cognitive skills. I suppose the two ideas can go hand in hand--an intelligent person with an extraordinary amount of work to do will not be spending time on the "small things," and will probably have the mental capacity to remember generally where wanted items are.

This is why it drives me crazy when my mother cleans my room randomly, even though it's such a pleasant gesture. She's obsessed with order and frequently comments on my whirlwind of a room (composed of only three things: books, papers, and clothes), so when it comes time for me to do something I can't find what I need. Ah, irony.