pre-admissions decision get-together support group thingy.

I am excited for December 15. Why? Because I am going to have an amazing time with my friends in the hours from 2-4PM central time.

The plan?
We are writing rejection letters to each other. Everyone will get a piece of paper to put their name on, and everyone else will write notes to them saying what they would say if they were there when the person gets the admissions decision.

The letters are then sealed, labeled, and ready for the day. Oh gosh.

Maybe we'll do it before December 15, because decisions apparently mail before then.

I thought of this because it was too necessary. I don't have a dog. I don't have parents who will be home. I have siblings, but they don't get it.

And then I thought of other people who would be the same boat. And shit. It's a life-changing decision, no matter how thin you slice it (I usually think of the slice as Swiss cheese, actually).

I began my UChicago essays last night. I have half of one written and another one brainstormed out. They're fun, but it's not the same type of passion I had for my First Choice essays. Ahwell.

I dislike complaining, but I'm doing an awful lot of it since I've gotten back from break. I wish I had better things to say. I wish I had better things to think.

I am going to ban "no time" from my phrasebook of life.

I am going to work out between study sessions of homework.
I am going to write in my blog, write poetry, write words without feeling guilty.
I am going to get six fucking hours of sleep no matter how the cookie crumbles,
no matter where the cookie crumbles.
I am going to watch the intriguing Italian film I am 90% on the way of acquiring.
I am going to read the news, damn it.
I am going to get my fucking driving license!

why

I just wrote one of the most sincere letters of my life. It was superficially a why letter, a little bit of a lust letter, but mostly a love letter.

I am starting to ask my teachers for recommendations again. I started compiling an email for them and ended up spending half an hour learning about the University of Chicago. It's a great school. It has most of what I'm looking for. It's missing some things that I could remedy. I can see myself there, at least content, probably happy.

And so in the midst of that delight I wondered, "Would I choose this over the First Choice?"
My best friend would be less than an hour away from me, finally. I already have good friends at the school, and I would be near people who I've made close connections with in these past few years. It has the Core. It has majors like "Big Problems" and "Human Rights." And to be disillusioning, the First Choice has its own share of real issues.

Without a shadow of a doubt, I thought, "No."

There is something about the people at the First Choice that is different, refreshing, and nonnegotiable. I want sketchy. I want things that are not a-okay all the time. Because I want to know the world, and the First Choice is the only place I can see myself knowing it fully.

The regrets I have would be minimal.

In other news, I have to start my Calculus homework.