A series of fortunate events

Quick, quick updates dans ma vie.

I had my University of Chicago interview two weeks ago. . My interviewer (who graduated just last year) also looked like my friend Andrew (SERIOUSLY), who is a first year there right now. I had moments when it felt like I was talking to him. Of course, they are completely different people, but the conversation was still two and a half hours of amusing, thoughtful, and worthwhile conversation (while raving about Chicago).

Model UN conference (hosted by UChicago!) last weekend. We got there on Wednesday. I was in the Social, Humanitarian, and Cultural Committee with the topics of women in conflict areas and migrant workers. We got on the former topic and debated on it through the last day. I'll be concise and say I dominated. I did so much research in that topic because I enjoy being enveloped by human rights as it is. Our school usually doesn't go to awards because we never get them, but apparently this year we did in my committee! I don't know what we got, but it's either Outstanding or Best Delegation (though I'm not sure the latter exists...). They have to mail the award. :D

I'm not going to lie, this week since getting back from the conference has been stressful. I had two math tests back to back yesterday and today, and there has been much getting up at 4:30 to do homework. I had my first Cool Cities meeting last night, though, and I'm feeling really optimistic for these next few months and lowering the city's carbon footprint. It's a lot of planning at the moment, and there is some uncertainty with how quickly the committee is going to be appointed because of a mayoral election soon, but that does not deter my outlook.

I just (as in an hour ago) had my Brown interview. It was the shortest one by far, but my interviewer was extremely friendly and insightful with my interests and thoughts. I really enjoyed the conversation! Unfortunately, we were on a time limit because she had another interviewee waiting after me (one of my classmates, ahaha), but we did clear up a number of my concerns with Brown. Interviews do a good job of selling schools to me.

A few scholarships down, many more to go. Oh! I'm a National Merit Finalist, which is nice. Anyway, I have a wonderful to-do list for this weekend on my dry-erase board right now, and I think I'm going to finally upload my Chicago pictures onto Facebook (see, I do have a life :P).

a return to reality

This week has been the longest week of the school year thus far.
I don't drink tea/coffee in the mornings. I don't fancy the thought of becoming dependent on caffeine, but I'm constantly tired now. I've been spoiled by the whole 8 hours a night for two weeks that was winter break and its lovely snow days.

My violin teacher called me "fickle" this week. I'm starting to see it more in what I do, though it's not terribly evident.

There have been some things that make me want to leave even more this week. A few words of ignorance from the family. Relationships. Friendships. The news.

Coincidentally, I had scheduled a debate in Model UN to cover the entire Arab/Israeli conflict this week, but it got canceled due to the ice day. I still did all the research, though, which makes it that much harder to read the news every morning and hear about everything getting worse.

I know it's not as easy as this, but I wish people could trust each other more.
My disappointment comes in the radical individuals who take away the right of peace and security from the majority, and it is almost always the majority who pays.

I started AP Art this semester. It's nice. Our first critique is not for two weeks, but I haven't started on anything yet. I need a theme for my concentration. I was thinking "ordinary," but I have a slight feeling that that's been done before.

I had a dream the other day that my admissions officer from the First Choice was telling me why I was deferred. She called me a narcissist because I sent in photography.

My dreams have been very vivid lately. I wish I was better at lucid dreaming. I've only managed to do it once, but it's really very fun--I went from a Roman bathhouse to a medieval cobblestone street in no time at all. I'm quite grateful to my memory and imagination. It's supposed to be exhausting after a while, though, and I think I rather like the unpredictability of regular dreams.

I love crepes, but I think I want to try my hand at another type of foreign breakfast food tomorrow morning. Suggestions?

After breakfast will be violin. I'm a little certain I'll be holing myself up in the library in the afternoon, attempting to understand how to calculate volumes with integrals.

AP English is required to do a poetry recitation on the 20th. I read a few poems out loud last night. It was nice.

DONE

DONE

DONE
DONE
DONE

Almost. I still have to send in my application fees.
But seriously, all those essays.

I am pumped. To be done. Even if it means I still have a paper and a lab to write. Even if it means I need three artworks by Tuesday.

WHOOOO.

I can finally start talking about the application process in the past tense. Things I'll need to include in reflections: finding colleges that match, standardized tests (& the student search service), writing essays, formatting, the common application, the waiting period (including how to destress and such), recommendations, supplements ... that's all I can think of for now.

I think I will celebrate by watching a movie and reentering my life. And being productive and actually starting my painting.

Oh, yes. It's New Year's Eve! A momentary reflection of the past year--passable, even pleasant. Memorable incidents:
Chicago
US History
Testing testing testing
Italy!
New York!
Anytown!
52 people at the first Environmental Club meeting of the year
40 people at the first Spectrum meeting
Homecoming Queen!
Relations with other people (a mixed bit of nice and confusing)

Things I look forward to doing in 2009:
Caring for my health! (exercising and bothering to pack healthy lunches)
SEEING AMMI AHHHHHHH
Doing the things I regretted not doing this year
Getting into college, gahgahgalg;lagjald
Graduation
Summer! Summer! Summer! Job!
Goodbyes
COLLEEEGGGGGEEEEE


I apologize for all the caps. They are kind of unexcusable in normal circumstances, but I am feeling like the vanilla ice cream on a root beer float.

Fridays

I am excessively thankful for Fridays. So much that sometimes my thankfulness for Friday spills over into Saturday, and overflows my thankfulness for Saturday, which somewhat lessens the harshness of my Sundays.

The weekend is a wonderful time.

These past two weeks have been somewhat stressful, albeit manageable. Papers and projects--two magic words that share a first letter with "pain." Last weekend was a whirlwind of violin followed immediately by a test-filled week.

And now, my life is almost silent.

I am having a great time with this arrangement. It's like a painting with pitches and beats for brushes and colors.

We're anticipating an ice storm for next week, which is finals. I don't have to attend most of them, but I might take Calculus and Physics and the other two from which I'm not exempt.

I have a list of thoughts to put into writing soon. Not college essays, for once! Just things I'd like to discuss.

Monday evening is when I find out.
I'm not really thinking about it now.

Perhaps the nervousness comes five minutes before?
Right now it doesn't seem to matter that much.

In the face of a silent weekend, what else could I want?

I am poetic

I feel everything.
But it's not supposed to be everything all at once.

Even writing does not help.


I am taking another SAT Physics Subject test tomorrow.
I am practicing for a concert, playing a fundraising concert.
I'm ready.

The weekend will be over.
I will have other things to think about.

I haven't exactly thought about myself.
I didn't realize how sad I was until today.
It's okay to be sad. It seems to go this way for everyone.

Is it really December?
What did I do in 2008?

A lot of things that matter.
But not the one that matters most.

I'm going to write a message.
I'm going to write a song.
Not at the same time.

I'm going to go to college.
I'm going to draw myself in the big picture.

pre-admissions decision get-together support group thingy.

I am excited for December 15. Why? Because I am going to have an amazing time with my friends in the hours from 2-4PM central time.

The plan?
We are writing rejection letters to each other. Everyone will get a piece of paper to put their name on, and everyone else will write notes to them saying what they would say if they were there when the person gets the admissions decision.

The letters are then sealed, labeled, and ready for the day. Oh gosh.

Maybe we'll do it before December 15, because decisions apparently mail before then.

I thought of this because it was too necessary. I don't have a dog. I don't have parents who will be home. I have siblings, but they don't get it.

And then I thought of other people who would be the same boat. And shit. It's a life-changing decision, no matter how thin you slice it (I usually think of the slice as Swiss cheese, actually).

I began my UChicago essays last night. I have half of one written and another one brainstormed out. They're fun, but it's not the same type of passion I had for my First Choice essays. Ahwell.

I dislike complaining, but I'm doing an awful lot of it since I've gotten back from break. I wish I had better things to say. I wish I had better things to think.

I am going to ban "no time" from my phrasebook of life.

I am going to work out between study sessions of homework.
I am going to write in my blog, write poetry, write words without feeling guilty.
I am going to get six fucking hours of sleep no matter how the cookie crumbles,
no matter where the cookie crumbles.
I am going to watch the intriguing Italian film I am 90% on the way of acquiring.
I am going to read the news, damn it.
I am going to get my fucking driving license!

things to let go, things to now know

I crossed three colleges off my to-apply list just now.

I almost feel like someone going through a midlife crisis. I've had this years for ages now, so what prompted me to alter it now?

I've been really contemplating what schools are right for me, not my parents' egos or mine.
Even though it didn't feel like that at the time I put them down, I realize now that it was. Prestige.
I got infected, and I'm a little ashamed, but hey, at least now I can say I'm human.

Admittance and rejection. I am trying to imagine the latter more often, just to be mentally prepared (so if it's an admittance instead I will simply explode), but that doesn't stop the occasional admittance daydream to creep into my skull. Alas.

I had an argument with my mother last night. For the third time since I've asked her specifically not to, she told yet another person what my First Choice is.

And it's not the shame of rejection. It's because it's personal to me, and no one else's business, especially not something for the "Compare Our Children" game Asian parents play. I don't want something so important to be reduced to a name like that, and the fact that she couldn't respect my wishes on that count was kind of upsetting.

I cry over everything now. I'm pretty sure if I saw roadkill I would burst into tears like I used to in elementary school (and only the elementary school part is exaggerating). It's not as though I'm having a nervous breakdown or anything. In fact, I'm no longer self-conscious about it. For seniors, it seems to be as fashionable as bug-eyed glasses. And like bug-eyed glasses, I hope it becomes less common by the end of semester.

So, the bright side. I am rereading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, which I read more than a year ago before adding it to my favorite books list.

I don't like it as much, which is disappointing, but not the end of the world. Some of the lines still ring with me, but not the same novelty as before. I'm marking the best of them with a light blue Prismacolour pencil. When I get to it, I'll buy and reread Everything Is Illuminated as well. And all the other books on my favorites list.

It's getting easier to tell how much I've changed on an intellectual level in the past six months alone. I reread the Handmaid's Tale for AP English and had an entirely new perspective on it because of Anytown and learning more about sexism. The presidential election got me more into politics (though I'd hardly call myself a junkie). I read commentaries without being entirely persuaded and watch reports without entirely believing.

And the things that once held immense sentimental value to me are less so epic, so to speak, because I have experienced even more profound messages in the past few months.

If my viewpoints were marble, I'd be sculpting them.